


How Many Chocobos...?

by mystiri1



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Chocobos, Community: fic_promptly, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-15
Updated: 2011-10-15
Packaged: 2017-10-24 15:15:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/264940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mystiri1/pseuds/mystiri1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of the many things Tseng likes about being a Turk, not dealing with chocobos is one of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Many Chocobos...?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [inoru_no_hoshi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inoru_no_hoshi/gifts).



Tseng had been on his way down to the Accounting Department for the purpose of intimidating them into overlooking a few of the stranger items on the latest round of Turk expense reports, when he found himself confronted with a new mystery. More accurately, when the elevator doors opened, he found himself face-to-face with a large, fuschia-coloured chocobo.

It warked cheerfully at him.

Tseng was privately grateful that Turks didn't deal with chocobos. Helicopters and cars were much more reliable, and he had never been required to make nice with a bird that was taller than he was, and had a beak that looked like it could take his head off. Yes, chocobos weren't carnivores, but the fact that it wouldn't eat him after stomping him flat wasn't much of a comfort. There was a reason the armed forces used them for war mounts.

He gave it a steely-eyed look, and stepped into the elevator anyway. He was a Turk, and he was not going to let an over-sized bird intimidate him into taking the stairs. He was just reaching for the panel, when a large feathered head leaned over his shoulder. He managed not to jump – the elevators all had security cameras, and why had someone not reported a chocobo using one of them? – and it tapped a button with its beak.

The elevator doors slid closed, and they began to descend.

Tseng looked sideways. The large bird warbled quietly to itself, eyes half-lidded in a sleepy look. It caught his gaze, and gave a soft 'Kweh'.

The doors opened on the chocobo's chosen floor. Floor 17 was a maze of cubicles; nobody even looked up. When nothing happened, the chocobo tapped another number on the panel. The doors closed, and the elevator slid upwards once again.

Tseng was relatively sure that a chocobo had not made it into one of the executive elevators all by itself. And, although it seemed like a potentially lengthy process, sooner or later, the doors would open on the culprits. As the bird seemed to have no objection to sharing its space, he settled in to wait.

On their fourth trip – upwards again – the elevator stopped on Floor 49, where it appeared General Sephiroth had hit the call button. Silver eyebrows rose in startled surprise, possibly the most unguarded reaction Tseng had seen from the General, then green eyes narrowed. A scowl on his face, Sephiroth stepped inside. The bird made a series of distinctly unmusical sounds, culminating in a loud, emphatic 'Wark!'

“Be quiet, Rosebud,” Sephiroth said sternly, and hit the button for Floor 56.

“You know this chocobo, General?” Tseng asked, watching as the bird, who apparently had no sense of self-preservation, started nibbling on a strand of long, silver hair.

Sephiroth – calm, unflappable Sephiroth – twitched. “If you hadn't guessed from the ridiculous name and colour, this is Major Fair's preferred mount. He likes to teach it strange tricks that he thinks are amusing.”

“Ah.” Major Zackary Fair, SOLDIER 1st Class. That would, sadly, explain a lot. Certainly it explained the presence of a chocobo in the elevator, as he appeared to be the SOLDIER equivalent of Reno when it came to mischief. And Reno, Tseng knew, did not think like most people. Still, Tseng was not going to attempt to remove it himself, which meant he still needed to find the perpetrator.

The General disembarked, leaving a few long, silver hairs caught in Rosebud's beak. Rosebud tapped another button, and again they were travelling upwards.

The doors opened.

“-can't believe you didn't close the door to the boardroom!”

“I did close it!”

“You should have locked it!”

“They're chocobos, yo! How should I know that they can open-”

“Wark!” Rosebud cried happily, and pushed past Tseng to leave the elevator.

Zack's head snapped around. “Rosebud! There you- Oh, shit.”

Reno had also turned at the sound. “Uh, hi, boss.”

“Just how many chocobos are in the boardroom?” Tseng asked.

“I think we got 42 in there before we lost that one,” Reno admitted.

Tseng wondered how they could possibly have fitted that many chocobos inside the boardroom, and decided he really didn't want to know. “Then you shall make doubly sure that you return all 42 of them to the stables at once. After that, you will report to whoever is in charge down there. I'm sure General Sephiroth will have something suitable to reward Major Fair for his part in this little endeavour -” and the way his face had paled, the SOLDIER had just found the silver hairs that Rosebud still held clutched in his beak “- but you, Reno, are about to become the first Turk to ever to become intimately acquainted with the joys of cleaning chocobo stalls. I think that 42 of them should be sufficient.”

There was an immediate protest, but Tseng wasn't listening as he stepped back into the elevator and pressed the button to go down. He still had some accountants to intimidate, after all. And it was possible that, as he sank towards the kind of meeting that he hated at the best of times, there was a slight smile on his lips.

Tseng didn't really like chocobos but he guaranteed that after this, Reno was going to like them a whole lot less.


End file.
